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Pre-Med School Journey: Accompaniment

The day after Valentine’s, I am writing this after coming into work late. It’s a cloudy, rainy day today, and traffic was sooooo bad this morning that I had to take a big detour. This following a long, frustrating Wednesday that had nothing to do with the holiday occasion. Though it’s funny, because on Tuesday I was writing a post about romance in today’s society. I don’t know what I clicked but GONE was all my work, and the last saved version was like 1/3 of what I had typed. I was really proud of what I typed. It may get done eventually, again but just know I was salty that happened and I don’t know if I can re-capture the magic that the first draft had. Jokes aside, this week seemed to be one of frustration. Monday’s class was dull, and not much excitement while yesterday’s was filled with it.

Work was normal, with me playing nothing but love songs from the 50’s to 90’s. It’s a shame many my age and younger don’t take the time to listen to older music; they’re just as good if not better. And lately I’ve had a song stuck in my head thanks to one of my favorite shows: The Flash. It’s by Little Anthony and the Imperials called “Goin’ Out of My Head”. I’ve heard it before when my dad used to drive me to school as a child, and we’d listen to nothing but oldie music. That, as well as Mia and Sebastian’s Theme from La La Land, have been on repeat, but I’m going off on tangents. . . back to school!

So lab on Wednesdays are from 1:30-5:30, and lecture 6:00-7:30. Yesterday was frustrating because the instructor took so long talking about things that didn’t pertain to lab, and so we started later. Almost none of us even finished it, so we will either resume next week or try to go on an earlier day to do some more of it; I chose the latter and will come Monday afternoon. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing in lab. I had my notes, but I guess my mind was elsewhere because I was asking my friend for help mostly. And another girl broke her glass equipment, which will cost her money to replace, and she seemed down overall that day especially in lecture. You ever notice someone who looks as if they could really use someone to talk to? I wanted to, but at the same time I couldn’t because she hardly knows me and I don’t want to seem intrusive. Such can be the frustration of trying to get to know someone new.

Looking at other classmates, they didn’t fully know what they were doing and did not have a fun time in lab either. And then in lecture, we had a quiz which everyone was not looking forward to. I felt I did pretty darn good, until the professor went over the answers and once again I noticed where I made mistakes. Yet I’m not upset, because every time I see my mistakes I’m more driven to do good on the tests; where the major grade points come from. I want to prove this teacher wrong and my own self-doubt that I can do this. I’m starting to get a better grasp of it, but I still need to keep at it. Yet once again, I look around the room and see some sad faces as if they didn’t do so well. I know the girl that sits next to me didn’t do well, and she didn’t turn in her homework either. The one who broke glassware, as I mentioned, also seemed really down in class. The overall tone was frustration for my peers; and it had nothing to do with Valentine’s. At the same time, when you studied for two years on therapy, it sucks having to step back and not do anything. Not saying I was going to give any of them therapy, but empathetically I could feel their emotions. I could read body language better than common people, and see that something was wrong. As much as I want to be there for them, sometimes just “being there” is all you can do at the moment.

It never rang more true until I got home that night and saw my family. I’m practically healed from whatever sickness I had, except this damn nagging cough, but now everyone else is sick from my parents to my almost 2-year old nephew. Everyone coughing, sneezing, feeling like crap. . . and then there’s me all better! But each of them are going through their own thing: work-related, financial, etc.. Last night as I ate dinner, I could feel it too; that feeling as if today was not a good day for them. Then I remembered a scene from Modern Family where everyone in the family had a bad day, and ended it just eating dinner together not saying anything; just being there among each other. That tomorrow is a new day to try again. We made it through that crummy day, so let’s move on and start anew. The feeling that we’re not alone in this is what shone yesterday, and we all survived together. Yesterday was about romance and passion, which honestly should not be the focus or reminder on one day but should done throughout the year. But that’s another topic for another day, yet yesterday there was compassion for we were there for each other in what was a long day. For every rainy day there is bound to be a sunny day, and I feel all of ours is coming soon. The first test is this Monday, and I’m nervous. But that won’t stop me, because we have to remind ourselves that no matter where we are or how we’re feeling we’re not alone in this. . . we’re in this together.

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