As I write this, I still am not sure how I wanted to start this post or how I wanted to explain my absence. Truth was I hit a writer’s block of sorts, as I lost the drive to write because in my mind I felt it was getting repetitive. Besides the poems, it was updates about my frustrations and I didn’t want y’all to deal with that constantly. I didn’t want to deal with it constantly. So I decided to take a break to clear my mind and continue my journey. And well, a lot has changed over these past few months: I finally got a new job!!
As it’s been said numerous times, I’ve applied to soooo many jobs in town, out of town, out of state, and even out of country. From initial rejections, to rejections after the interviews, I was bummed out; anyone would be. But as summer is drawing near to an end, and that amazing fall weather starts creeping closer, I got a call. It was from a university an hour and a half north of my hometown; the university I dreamed of going to since I was a much younger. Unfortunately I was unable to go there as a student, because I had family alumni connections to the university I went to so I had little sway as a 17-18 year old. But after I graduated, mainly after getting my Master’s, I wanted to explore all options; including the university I liked for so many years.
This interview in particular was the longest, but honestly most fun as I could tell off the bat the people were amazing. And there may have been some nervousness, yet I felt I knocked that interview/roleplay/presentation out of the park. . . or close at least. Then after what felt like an eternity of waiting, I got that call to end the week. And so this past weekend, I’ve been breaking the news to those I know. It’s honestly been a mixed bag of emotions from them. There have been those who were happy and excited for this new opportunity. The ones who were disheartened knowing I will be moving away (you might be able to guess some of the people here). And then there were ones I thought would have a reaction, but were actually sort of indifferent outside of saying congrats. The last one was odd for me, because it wasn’t long ago we were hanging out and having fun adventures.
But if there’s one thing I learned growing up is that life is like a train. We’re all going the same direction, but every so often people have to get off at a different stop. Others get on the same carriage as yours. And even though it’s been months since I may have talked to some of those friends, I know that a lot can change and that their lives continue onward with or without me. Whether it’s friends here or internationally, a lot can happen in (what you might feel is) a short amount of time and suddenly they “move on” to other things. It’s a bit of a bummer for me, but not in the way you think. It’s because of my memory. While others can forget about something, or let it fade, my brain doesn’t work like that. When it comes to people (not necessarily birthdays or full names) and moments, I remember them well. I mean, there’s people from kindergarten that I only knew that one year that I still remember!
My memory is like a file cabinet; collecting all the people and moments and storing it, but never collects the dust. I can’t delete it, I can only pretend that I don’t recall (I feel bad when I do this) or I develop Alzheimer’s (which may or may not happen if I get old). So whenever I catch up with friends/acquaintances, and I see the relationship dynamic has changed, I’m not upset about that. While I don’t dwell on the past, it’s just disheartening when something reminds me of them or they just pop into my mind, and I know I can only look at the mental photo and put it back away; knowing it won’t matter bringing it up to the other. Whenever my dad talks about people from his past, whom he never talks to anymore, he refers to them as friends. Even coworkers he never hung out with outside of work. I wanted to always tell him “how can they be your friends if you never call them or see them?”, and I felt embarrassed whenever he talked like that. Reflecting now, as I type this, I think I’m starting to understand.
Besides that recent change, there have been others around me. Friends are getting job promotions, another best friend is thinking of joining the military (he’s similar to me wanting change), another is moving together with his girlfriend (we never imagined him settling down). My sister getting a new truck, her kids are getting bigger, my parents almost getting a house, and other things. I once wrote about wanting change, wondering when it will come, knowing change is happening around me but not to me. Now it is finally happening to me, and it’s still so surreal. By the start of September, a whole new chapter will finally begin.
So now the fun, hectic few weeks begins where I have to go apartment searching up at the new city I will be calling home. I’ll have to fill out paperwork at my new job, get acquainted with everyone, as well as learn my surroundings and meet new people there. And if you’ve been around my blog for a long time, you might be able to sense the nervous excited-ness that comes with that. Will I be able to find that gang of friends like in How I Met Your Mother, Seinfeld, or Friends? How will we meet? What wacky adventures will happen at work and around town? Which new and unique characters will I routinely see at my apartment complex? The possibilities are endless. Or it could all be “normal”, yet have some sort of special moments scattered throughout.
I want to get a dog as well, but I should first settle in and adjust before committing. That and I don’t want to leave it home all day, but I also know doggy daycares can be expensive over time. What I do know is that I’m back on this blog, re-energized, and plan to write more again. Especially since I’ll be on my own, not knowing anyone initially, you folks out there reading this will be my company away from home. On this journey with me as I discover this new city, and what mysteries and people it has in it. Even though I’ll only be about an hour and a half away from home, it’s still far enough to where I’m starting over. I will soon leave everything and everyone I know back home, as they move on with their lives and I move on with mine. Change finally happened, it was worth the wait, and it’s time to get off this train and board a new one. . .