The Art of Reconnecting

So last night, right after posting the previous blog post, I suddenly had this realization: I have to reach out to people from my past. It sort of just popped up out of nowhere, but I knew too much time had passed since last time I talked to certain old friends. I once said on here that my best friends and I can go weeks, maybe even months, of not talking and then getting together again as if no time had passed. But as I get older, I know that it becomes even easier to let time pass and let people just vanish without a formal goodbye. There’s pros and cons to that, because on one hand it’s not a goodbye which leaves the possibility of a return. Yet on the other hand, there’s the risk that we may never see that person again and we reflect some time later that we never said goodbye.

Last night, I reached out to two of my friends but I’ll soon add more to that list. This isn’t due to the goodbye feeling above, rather it’s more about guilt. See, when it came to my friends (locally), I was like the glue of the group who kept them together and did things as one. But after moving, many went on to do their own things. This included me and my ventures moving to this new city, which you’ve all been a part of. I promised some of my friends that we’d stay in touch after I moved, and I realized that it hardly stayed true. There comes a point in time where we often stop and think about someone from our past, and we wonder what they’ve been up to. When I think about it, it can be the worst feeling, because we sit there curious about how we ended up drifting apart. And that can hinder us from reconnecting, since we often think “maybe too much time has passed” to the point it’s embarrassing to reach out to them. But that’s not always the case.

When I messaged my friend in Cali, I sent an audio apologizing for the long time that passed and explained what I’ve been up to and some other friends. He actually was glad to hear back, fearing that maybe we simply chose to move on with our lives, and was relieved that we’re all okay. We plan on talking more later this week, and chat online with our other friends. Plus, he’ll be in our hometown for the Christmas holidays so we have two whole weeks to hang out. The other friend, I texted last night and just told him how it’s been up here. He plans on visiting me someday soon. Not sure when, but it was nice to hear him say that and get the ball rolling for that.

But just with those two already, it made me think of how so many of us had that fear of reaching out. It’s as if we are both standing in front of the same door, but on opposite sides. We know the other is right there on the other side, and all we have to do is simply make the effort and open the door; open communication. Yet we are held back by something that may look different for each of us, and we like to apply “life got in the way” as a reason for not contacting them. Besides those two friends, I know there are others in my life that I should reach out to. An example is Whatsapp, since I don’t use social media much at all, whenever I post a status about my little adventures here in this city. I can see who views my statuses, and I often see names of friends I haven’t talked to in a long time. And I sit there wondering why don’t we talk? What’s stopping you or I from messaging one another again? I also think of friends from grad school, and how we used to hang out for drinks and food but now I have no idea what they’re doing. I plan on reaching out to more people soon; even if it only leads to a brief catch up. For it is all about making an effort, because that truly goes a long way; whether it’s staying in touch or reconnecting.

Long ago, I talked about different types of people. The ones who come into our lives for a brief moment, the ones who stay for a little while, and the ones in it for the long haul. Each provide their own unique experiences, good or bad, that teach us something and help us grow; whether we see it or not. There are certain people within those types that you know probably won’t ever come back, yet there’s the others who can return. Everything in life is all about timing and taking a chance. I think of the movie Big Fish when I say that, and how Edward returned to Spectre at different times in his life. Sometimes we need time to grow before returning to something or someone, and coming back with a different perspective.

So if you notice you haven’t heard from someone in a while, realize that it is okay. No matter what, cherish those moments shared with them. If there is no chance to reconnect, again, that is okay for there’s still a whole world filled with others waiting to share adventures with you. But if there’s an opportunity to reconnect, even if it’s just catching up, then take a chance. It can be scary to reach out into the unknown; not knowing if they’ll respond or if they want to talk again. But more often than not, you’d be surprised how they were thinking the same thing and wanting to see how you’ve been all this time. . .