My memory of the early days are quite foggy
But from what my family tells me is similar
We used to be much closer than what it is today
However all I can recall is the distance that grew
We would fight often that I swear I don’t know why
Fighting can occur for others too but it’s all we did
And sadly most of the time I couldn’t defend myself
As time passed eventually I was able to though
But by then it was as if you had died along the way
With someone else more empty taking your place
Then one day you left only to return for something
I could never understand how we connected at all
However there were very rare moments that we did
I saw the similarities in both of us and always thought
What should’ve been had we been able to get along
The fun adventures and talks that could’ve happened
The last conversation we ever had was perhaps the best
After all these years we just talked about our lives
You asked what I wanted to do in the future and more
I guess this was the first time that we actually bonded
From that day on we never spoke again to each other
While your life slowly wilted I tried to survive my own
In the end we both had our own struggles in life
Now I’m much older while you are at midlife
But I didn’t stop thinking about what could’ve been
Long ago I used to be filled with anger towards you
Wishing we didn’t fight and that you didn’t leave
Of you not being there for me when I needed you
Especially during the dark times where I had no one
You left years ago and I was alone watching others bond
I’d see others who had that loving support and envy them
Whether at the park, the concert or at a restaurant
All I could see what happiness, care and fun there
While I grew older having none of that around me
Eventually I was able to find others who did though
Bringing their own love and adventures to remember
It may have not been the same but in it’s own way it was
That anger slowly turned to sadness over what happened
Over what should’ve been had different choices been made
But I was much younger and could only watch from afar
As the poison changed you and took you away from me
Removing your smile you thought you’d get back with it
I often tell people I meet I was basically an only child
Perhaps I sort of wished I was because it’s easier
It’s preferred than dealing with the painful reality
There’s no other pain like having absent siblings
Of not having a big brother to be there for you always
It’s all I ever wanted growing up and at times I still do. . .
Novatourist 