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Heading into a couple of hours that my neighbors have been popping fireworks around here. It’s been a tradition for a long time whether it’s today, Christmas or New Year’s Eve. In my city, people aren’t supposed to be popping them but no one hardly says anything about it. They want the free light show. That’s kind of what this holiday has turned into, though, is all-lights and little substance. 4th of July is a day where people mostly either BBQ with family or friends, pop fireworks, watch the classic movie Independence Day (I’m guilty of this), or take part in eating contests. I can’t think of anyone who actually celebrates it to honor how the US was first created. Maybe it is more common up in the Northeast, where the 13 Colonies where first established, but I’m not too sure.

Regardless, my mind thinks of such things more often because that’s mainly all I can do here. With the virus re-closing places where people could’ve socialized, it’s stirred worry again among friends and family; thus fear of getting together to hang out. At least I still have the lake to go to, but I know I can’t do that everyday or I’d get sick of that too. Basically, where people were at back around May-ish is now starting to get to me. I hate being cooped up with not much to do. I still have yet to hear from the job that I presumably got, so I don’t know when I’d be starting. My internship doesn’t have much work at the moment. Movies and TV shows I hardly binged before this virus, and I have no desire to do so even with me being home a lot. Heck, even playing videogames with my friends gets tiresome which is interesting since I liked playing ever since I was a kid.

But as I get older, my interests and self change. No longer am I the kid who can stay at home all day and game well into the early next morning. I prefer being outdoors, roadtripping, mingling with others, and such. Given my upbringing, however, I knew I’d initially do well being told to stay at home. It was unique to me seeing celebrities and ordinary people talk about the struggles of being stuck at home less than a month in. I was doing just fine. Then things were starting to open up slowly, but surely, and my motivation was rising. And with sports returning, I felt by late Summer/early Fall that things would be semi-normal. But so far, there seems to be signs that it will take a little longer than that. This also means borders remain closed a little longer, and my winter travel goals may get delayed once more. The travel gods really don’t like me for some reason.

So with the virus affecting things again, no news from the new job, not seeing friends as much, and with not much to do at home I’ll admit lately things have become frustrating to me. It’s counter-productive but, at times, I feel like I want to be alone because of how I can’t do much. If I had to think of an example to describe it’s either a underground bunker or A Quiet Place. In both scenarios, you’re contained in one spot with other people with limited resources and it’s highly discouraged to go outside. Eventually, those people will want to have their alone time just to have some sense of freedom. That’s kind of how it feels, and I know there’s the lake but I’m trying not to oversaturate going there or I’d grow tired of it as well.

I had a dream, recently, where I was at an airport. I don’t know if I was coming or going, but I remember the feeling of seeing those airplanes close up and the air of excitement that something great is about to occur. When I awoke, the frustration returned because of the lack of freedom. And here we are celebrating a day of freedom for this country, while the whole world is telling everyone you do not have the freedom to do as you please. No matter what side of the line you fall under as it pertains to this virus – either we should be very cautious or just push forward – this style of living just isn’t fun. It’s also interesting when you take a look back at the viruses we had since 2000, and how we responded to those. Regardless, I know things will get better, especially for me once I finally get that job confirmation. In the meantime, I will just have to push on and find resolutions wherever I can. On the plus side, my small dieting is nearing the end as I’m only 6-10 pounds from reaching my goal. So by the end of July, I should achieve it. It’s almost midnight, and the neighbors are still going strong with the fireworks. We may not celebrate properly this holiday, but we still celebrate and I cannot wait until we celebrate life returning to normal which it will. . .

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